when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize