Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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