I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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