I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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