watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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