the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
