That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
