I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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