You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Did I show you my penis last night?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
