I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
