Will you blow on my dice?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I feel like abortions should bother me more
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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