He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
