You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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