dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
