All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
