she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
