On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
