I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
