note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
