I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
