remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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