sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
