i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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