Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Girls should come with a carfax report
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Randomize
