At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
