rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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