So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
