you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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