Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
