I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
All the doctor said was why
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
