you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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