things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
