My friends, they love my intelligence
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
