Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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