Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
