Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
