oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
