I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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