Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
