Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
