dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
