Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
