so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
