end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
