Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
