he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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