I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
