If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
