I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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