hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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