For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
