I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
