just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
