Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I smell like Dick and happiness
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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