Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
