That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
