im six kinds of drunk right now
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
