bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize