How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
