i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
