The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
