I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize