you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize