my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
