I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
