Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
