Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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