Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I yelled at your uterus for you.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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