It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
