New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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