the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
