Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
